i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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