Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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