I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
