How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
