i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
