also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
