wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
