Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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