Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
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