i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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