its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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