I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
