You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
