I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
