Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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