Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
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