Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
