I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
