He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I just blew my weed a kiss
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
