1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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