I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
