if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
