READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
