You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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