So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
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