glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
