I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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