Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
