Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
