Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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