pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
