I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Someone came in the potted fern
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
