just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
