how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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