Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
