not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Randomize
