I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
