It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
