I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Your penis caused this!
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
