Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
