I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
