If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
