i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
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