I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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