she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
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