My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
