Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
