Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
