the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Of course I have a pirate flag
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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