I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
