Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
You know, be my cock's hype man.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
