the condom got lost in my hair
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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