FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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