May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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