Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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